How one gentle trick took the battle out of bedtime
This is something I have been meaning to share for quite a few months now... I quite literally want to scream it from the rooftops to anyone who’s battling bedtime right now.
Our almost 4 year old daughter has been an amazing, independent sleeper (aside from the first few months where she slept on my chest, still reminisce on those special days so much!). But, around age 3, it all changed!
What had been a smooth, predictable bedtime routine for years, suddenly turned into a battle. She would find every single reason to open the door and come out...
"I'm thirsty".
"I lost my to"
"I want a cuddle"
... The list goes on and on.
Bedtime took 1-1.5 hours...
And she started waking through the night, too. Sleep deprivation became real again.
At first, we welcomed it as we do with all changes, knowing it was likely a developmental phase. We did our best to nurture her through it, but after this phase lasting months, my Husband and I became exhausted. We started dreading that time of the day and she could feel that energy, making it only harder for her to settle.
I knew that by age 3, kids really stated to grasp the concept of time and distance... So saying "see you in the morning" would feel huge to them! You close your eyes and don't see Mum or Dad all night long?! It's a lot for their little minds to process.
Then one day, exhausted, sleep deprived from 6 night wakings (sorry new Mums, I know it doesn't compare to the fresh newborn days!), I did a bit of research and came across a random podcast (no idea which one!), but the guest mentioned bedtime check-ins, and something clicked.
So, that night we gave it a try. Here's what we did:
We kept our usual bedtime routine - books, chats, cuddles with Mum / Dad.
Then, we explained to her that we were going to check in on her: "Mum and Dad will check in on you until you're asleep, and through the night. You don't need to get your tired little body up, you just close your eyes and know we'll be coming to you."
After saying goodnight, I went in for the first check-in just a few minutes later. She was waiting for it, of course. I gave her a little cuddle and whispered "just checking in on you darling, love you, check in on you again soon."
Then, a few minutes later, we checked in again.
To say she was thrilled is an understatement!
These check-ins changed everything, from the very first night.
She stopped coming out of her room, she didn't wake through the night, she fell asleep so much faster.
Over the weeks, we gradually spaced out the check-ins. Now, months later, we still do them every night - but only need 1 or 2 before she’s asleep.
It's such a simple idea, but the best part for me is knowing how safe, supported and loved she feels falling to sleep.
I've always believed you can raise an independent sleeper without sacrificing emotional connection or secure attachment... and check-ins have been another perfect way to do that.
P.S, in everything we do, we include empowerment & encouragement... So, while doing check-ins we would sometimes remind her 'you can sleep throughout the night, you've done it for so long now' etc etc etc... Sometimes, even as adults, we may know we are capable of something, but it helps to be reminded.